Category Archives: Humor

Of Course Scientists Have Good Imaginations and Especially at Halloween

Once upon a time I was told by a young lady I was dating that because I was a scientist I was too objective and didn’t have an imagination. I happened to be writing a children’s book at the time and had a tendency to solve some of the big problems I had with analyzing data by “sleeping on it” and, occasionally, dreaming solutions to a problem. On one occasion when trying to understand the complex molecular motions of N-trioctylamine I actually had a very vivid dream and walked my way along the chains, woke up in the morning and wrote a computer program to model the overall and internal motions of the chain to model C13 NMR relaxation. The result…a new model for alkyl chain motions that has been published a number of times and remains a useful model today for everything from lubricant-related systems to lipid bilayers. So, yes scientists have imaginations…and we tap into them in different ways.

I am the father of two dynamo guys…eight year old twins. They love Halloween and it’s a great time to truly apply my imagination for fun times. Working with my friend and neighbor Tom Barbieri, fellow scientist (physicist) and fun-guy extraordinaire, we collaborated to set up a “Halloween Path” for the neighborhood. We got a group of guys involved and our wonderful neighbor Beth was the “witch-for-an-evening” . We scared the living daylights out of a group of kids that evening, had a good time in the process and established a new standard for Halloween fun for the neighborhood. To be repeated? Maybe.

The “by light of day video” shows first.

The “darkness of night video” follows….you don’t see much but it’s worth watching for what you DO see…and that scream….I moved out of the woods at speed!

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Posted by on November 2, 2010 in Humor, Uncategorized



Scientists Can Live By Spuds Alone as I Do

Fortunately this is my personal blog and not a work blog. As a result I get to tell personal stories. And this one is catalyzed by the efforts of Chris Voigt, Executive Director of the Washington State Potato Commission, who has committed to eat potatoes, and ONLY potatoes, for the next 60 days. He will eat 20 potatoes a day. He is out to prove that potatoes are nutritious. I’m living proof they are. Why?

I’m 46 years old, stand about 5’11’, weigh 171 lbs as of this evening, am in pretty good physical shape for my age (150 mile bike ride in a day a couple of weeks ago, 10 mile trail race in the woods in <1hr 40mins) and, overall, have had a good life to date! All of this fueled by potatoes, twice a day, EVERY DAY for the past 44 years! I can’t remember the details as I was a baby when it all started, but here’s what I have pieced together from the multiple stories I’ve heard about the “power puker” that I was as a child.

I was born with pyloric stenosis and, by all account, could chuck-up 5-6′ across the room. I didn’t keep down any solid food for many months, almost two years I believe. The first solid food I kept down was a french fry or, where I grew up, a “chip” (small town Wales in the UK). My dad had returned from the pub with a bag of chips (wrapped in newspaper of course!) and gave me one. My mother swore I would vomit it and was surprised that I didn’t. And so it started….since I’d kept that one down why not try me on more. Supposedly with the encouragement of the doctor I was put on a potato diet as I could keep them down…mashed spuds, fried spuds, roast spuds…you name it. SPUDS. But nothing else except for some milk and formula. While the operation for pyloric stenosis nowadays is pretty easy in those days (the good old 60s…I was born in 1964…the Beatles, free love and, by all accounts fields full of potatoes) I didn’t get the operation. What I got was potatoes, potato chips, roast potatoes…I’m just lucky I didn’t get hunted down by Colorado Beetles!! I’m sure operations weren’t common at all in small town Wales…more likely a leech in the codpiece.

Time for a side distraction about leeches….Black Adder including as actors those famous guys Mr Bean (Rowan Atkinson) and Twitter Fry (Stephen Fry with almost 2 Million Twitter followers)

Edmund: Never had anything you doctors didn’t try to cure with leeches. A leech on my ear for ear ache, a leech on my bottom for constipation.
Doctor: They’re marvellous, aren’t they?
Edmund: Well, the bottom one wasn’t. I just sat there and squashed it.
Doctor: You know the leech comes to us on the highest authority?
Edmund: Yes. I know that. Dr. Hoffmann of Stuttgart, isn’t it?
Doctor: That’s right, the great Hoffmann.
Edmund: Owner of the largest leech farm of Europe.
Doctor: Yes. Well, I cannot spend all day gossiping. I’m a busy man. As far as this case is concerned I have now had time to think it over and I can strongly recommend a [in chorus] course of
Edmund: Yes. I ‘ll pop a couple down my codpiece before I go to bed ?

As I grew up I expanded my horizons to bread, honey, chocolate and every imaginable combination of sweet stuff. BUT I only ate meat on two occasions…both times force fed by my dad.  I vomited on him both times. I never ate fish, no vegetables except potatoes, no rice, no pasta, no salads, no eggs (except in bread and cakes)…nothing. I took vitamins…one Haliborange a day…and in those days it was only Vitamin C…not a multivitamin. I took sandwiches to lunch every day until I turned 11. It was honey sandwiches and potato crisps or brown sauce (steak sauce for the Americans) on bread. I got the usual childhood colds but overall was healthy. I was told I wouldn’t grow tall and would never develop intelligence because of my poor diet. I ate chips EVERY lunchtime through secondary school and didn’t have any problems thinking…despite the threats from the doctors! My favorite ad in those days pandered to my tastes….does anyone remember the SMASH advert?

I left for University and fed myself every evening with my “new diet”. I stopped eating chips because of the fear of “FAT”….and moved onto baked potatoes for about 6 months and a daily 3-5 mile run and regimen of lifting weights. But I couldn’t gain muscle…lack of protein and too much cardio I assume.

I left University with a PhD at 24 and left for Ottawa in Canada where I stopped eating chips and, because I was now in North America, moved to a Fry diet, hash browns (never had those before!) and potato pancakes. They CAN cook them differently in different countries. But we’re talking every day…two meals a day…because I rarely ate breakfast and I discovered coffee in a real way when I moved to Canada. Potatoes and bread, dessert, and, because I was trying to gain some muscle, I started to drink milk hoping to gain a little mass. I never stopped eating potato crisps though…because I remained obsessed with the entertainment value of potatoes…they sing you know!

Three years in Canada and then down to the USA to live in Rochester New York. I bought myself a house, took to more obsessive levels of exercise (weight-training, racquetball and running) and, you guessed it, DIDN’T change my diet. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. I met my future wife in Rochester, married and moved south to North Carolina. My wife received two books as wedding gifts….99 ways to cook potatoes and 101 ways to cook potatoes. Unfortunately the Venn Diagram of overlap is pretty significant…there aren’t 200 ways to cook potatoes.

We now have twin boys, eight years old. Our family are all in good shape. We are all triathletes as off this year. We work and play hard. Overall our health is good despite the injuries we get from pushing a little too hard at times. I don’t really eat much different than I did a few years ago. My wife has convinced me to add Green Vibrance to my protein shakes that I take when working out hard. I sleep about 6 hours a night. I snack on chocolate. I drink one relaxing beer a night during the work week at the end of a long hard day. A dietician once told me I should be dead. I have been told I am a ticking time bomb. It may all be true….

I honor what Chris Voigt is trying to prove with his 60 day diet to prove the nutrition value of potatoes. And I know his regimen is stricter than mine. But I think I’m living evidence of the fact that potatoes are nutritious….44 years of eating them two meals a day and the first two years of drinking liquids and vomiting everything else. I’d love to chat with him. I empathize that he has experienced other types of food that he might want to go back to. But for me this is what I know..everyday…so no big deal. I add more fruits now than I ever did…but not daily. I have added bagles and cream cheese as a common meal. But my sons call me the “Potato Man” and tell me how sad they are that I don’t eat other foods.

Chris Voigt…let’s chat.

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Posted by on November 1, 2010 in General Communications, Humor


Statins, Fast Food and Happy Healthy Meals at McDonalds

You MUST be kidding me. What type of culture do we have when we let people east the crap they want then hand them pills and tell them not to worry? Ok, what’s driving my emotional response to this? This post on LabSpaces: Free statins with fast food could neutralize heart risk, scientists say. You can see it now…..”double burger, super size fries, two of those McFlurries and a coffee. ” Thank you sir….and here is your batmobile with an ejector providing a 3 pack “statin-surge”.

As Lab Spaces reports “Dr Francis, from the National Heart and Lung Institute at Imperial College London, who is the senior author of the study, said: “Statins don’t cut out all of the unhealthy effects of burgers and fries. It’s better to avoid fatty food altogether. But we’ve worked out that in terms of your likelihood of having a heart attack, taking a statin can reduce your risk to more or less the same degree as a fast food meal increases it.”

Yes…AVOID the fatty food…or at least exercise afterwards! I enjoy a McFlurry as much as the next kid but then I’ll go swim a mile, or run 5km, or cycle 20 miles. I think I can burn it off instead of “statin-it-out”.

The interview follows with “”When people engage in risky behaviours like driving or smoking, they’re encouraged to take measures that minimise their risk, like wearing a seat belt or choosing cigarettes with filters. Taking a statin is a rational way of lowering some of the risks of eating a fatty meal.” then thankfully add “The researchers note that studies should be conducted to assess the potential risks of allowing people to take statins freely, without medical supervision. They suggest that a warning on the packet should emphasise that no tablet can substitute for a healthy diet, and advise people to consult their doctor for more advice.”

But what are they encouraging…it’s really an acknowledgment that because fast Food is goddamn tasty that we should have toys for kids and pills for adults. What will it be “Happy Meals” for kids and “Healthy Meals” for adults…because Mickey-D’s will throw in a six pack of statins? What’s next…viagra at the bar….feel free to drink as much as you want gents…these pep-pills will support your inebriated performance. Don’t worry, be happy…eat crap, drink like a fish…the pharma industry has you covered. And any profits are purely accidental…

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Posted by on August 12, 2010 in Humor


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